


I'm Covered in Freckles, You're Covered in Scars

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Series: A New Way of Looking at Love [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Body Image, Boyfriends, College, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7072828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt starts studying body dysmorphic disorder in one of his classes, it prompts a strange new fascination with the freckles on Sebastian's body...but for a heartbreaking reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Covered in Freckles, You're Covered in Scars

In his sleep, Sebastian smiles as gentle fingertips pat down his chest, stopping at one point, then jumping to another, tracing paths, connecting touches. It’s not that Kurt hasn’t done this before, waiting until he thinks his boyfriend is dead to the world and then examining his body. It’s just that it seems to happen more often lately. Sebastian doesn’t mind. He doesn’t think it’s creepy or anything. It’s not like Kurt’s going to hurt him, or do something inappropriate. And Sebastian’s not ashamed of his body. He doesn’t have anything to hide. He _is_ curious why Kurt does it, though. He was kind of hoping Kurt would talk to him about it, bring it up after sex, or maybe right before they climbed into bed with one another. Maybe he’d start his investigating early, not wait till Sebastian fell asleep, and that would be a stepping off point to a conversation.

But Kurt hasn’t yet.

Sebastian wouldn’t normally worry too much about it except Kurt has some extreme body issues. _Unique_ body issues. Having a humongous burn scar take up half of your body will probably do that to you. Kurt has gone through so many stages of handling his scar. At home, back before he left Lima for New York to go to college, he said he pretty much just tried to disappear, which worked fine since people in his community didn’t know how to handle it themselves. When he got to New York, he did his best to blend in, stay below the radar. In a city of eight million people, that shouldn’t have been too hard. But it became a little difficult when a few people wouldn’t let him forget how much of an outcast he was. He started seeing a therapist, trying to find a way to accept not just the scar, but the way people in the adult world, which he had falsely believed would be better than high school world, would treat him.

And then he met Sebastian. Sebastian who had his own issues that kept him isolated from the world. Sebastian, who couldn’t see the scar at first, but could see Kurt’s face. A face that, in the beginning, was partially a lie. But then, Sebastian was introduced to Kurt’s scar, saw him the way he truly was, and fell in love with him. Not because of the scar or in spite of it.

Sebastian fell in love with an amazing man named Kurt Hummel, who coincidentally had a scar.

That new relationship brought with it its own sub-stages of Kurt learning to accept his scar. His world gained focus. He wasn’t only worried about what the vast majority of insignificant people felt about him. In a way, now that he had Sebastian, those people mattered less and less. He was worried more about the way Sebastian saw him – as a man and as a lover. Taking off his clothes for Sebastian, letting Sebastian feel his body, making love to Sebastian, were all obstacles Kurt had to overcome. But he got to a point where his self-consciousness about his body - in front of Sebastian, at least - had drifted away. He walked around their apartment in his underwear when they were alone, without a care. They showered together almost exclusively.

They made love with the lights on.

It was during a segue into a chapter about body dysmorphic disorder that Kurt had begun studying in one of his psychology classes that suddenly seemed to bring back a few of his old habits. He wore a t-shirt around the apartment when he would normally just go without. His hair, which he had started growing long, he took to brushing in front of his burnt cheek. And when they fooled around, Kurt didn’t require that they turn out the lights, but he requested that they dim them, and pulled the covers over both of them, making it less likely that Sebastian would see him completely naked.

These behaviors have Sebastian worried, but he wants to wait for Kurt to come to him on his own.

And he’s still waiting.

But along with all of those came this fascination with Sebastian’s skin, which he only explores when Sebastian is asleep. He’ll start out feeling him up underneath the sheets, running soothing palms over the flat of Sebastian’s abs and chest. Then he slowly peels down the blanket, and takes a long look, sometimes for more than an hour, mapping out the same spots and tracing the same lines. Sebastian originally thought he was feeling the outline of his muscles, but the areas he touches are somewhat random and sparse.

Sebastian doesn’t want to interfere, but since it is his body under review, he has to know, “What are you looking at, gorgeous?”

“Oh,” Kurt squeaks, looking up in surprise to see Sebastian’s eyes open to slits, spying on Kurt performing this curious nighttime ritual. “I…uh…didn’t mean to wake you.” He pulls his hand away from Sebastian’s chest, but Sebastian catches it, and returns it to its original spot. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Actually, I know you’ve been doing this for a while,” Sebastian admits.

“Oh,” Kurt says again, that one syllable sounding incredibly guilty. “Oh, I…I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“No sorry needed,” Sebastian says, rubbing Kurt’s hand over his chest, missing his gentle attentions. “I just want to know what’s going on? What is it you’re looking for?”

“Uh, I’m…looking at your freckles, actually. I used to have quite a few on my face when I was little, but I either grew out of them or…”

“You still have a couple,” Sebastian informs him, pointing to one on the bridge of Kurt’s nose.

“Yeah, but I used to have tons of them…you know…before.” Kurt looks into Sebastian’s eyes, grateful to see understanding there. There are days when Kurt has no problem talking about his accident. Some days he doesn’t like acknowledging that such a thing could ever happen. “I think there was a time when I even hated them.”

“Really? Why?” Sebastian crinkles his nose as he examines Kurt’s face.

“I think I thought they were ugly or something,” Kurt admits, then makes a face. “Little did I know…”

“Kurt…” Sebastian sighs.

“How do you feel about yours?” Kurt asks, cutting off Sebastian’s attempt to contradict him.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says, taking Kurt’s not-so-subtle hint. “To tell you the truth, I don’t have an opinion about them one way or the other.” Sebastian shrugs. “They’ve just…always been there. I know that having a lot of freckles or moles can be difficult for some kids. Other kids make fun of them and whatnot. But, I wasn’t raised around other kids. No one teased me. If they were gone tomorrow, I’m not sure I would feel bad about it.”

Kurt chews on his lower lip and thinks. “Well, I would miss them.”

“Really?” Sebastian sits up in bed, completely awake. “And why’s that?”

“I just…like them.” Kurt puts a fingertip on one, then draws a line to another. “I like the feel of them under my fingers when I touch you. That might sound weird because, I mean, most of them are flat. It’s just your skin I’m touching but…I know they’re there. And I get to look at them whenever I want.” Kurt shyly lets his fingers dip under the blanket. Sebastian sucks in a breath when they slide to his hips, dancing along the waistband to his boxers. “The ones that go a little further down, no one gets to see those but me…right?”

“Right,” Sebastian says, then rolls his eyes away with a sly little smile. “You and…well…Dr. Peterman. My G.P.”

Kurt frowns, but he has to concede. “Okay, maybe Dr. Peterman, but that’s because I want you to stay healthy.”

Since they’re joking around, the mood lighter than it’s been in a few days, Sebastian decides to go for broke.

“Does this fascination with my freckles have anything to do with the way you’ve been acting differently lately? You know, a little more reserved here at home?” It’s a vague question, and he pauses to see if Kurt understands. “I’m not pressuring you or anything, but there are some things I’ve been missing, and I’m hoping they’ll come back.”

Kurt nods. “Yeah…uh…it does.” Kurt takes a deep breath. It shudders a few times before it fills his lungs. “Sebastian, I know what I’m about to say is going to sound…horrible,” Kurt starts, almost unable to get the last word out. Sebastian puts an arm around him, preparing for whatever he’s about to hear, and letting Kurt know that whatever it is, he has no intention of judging him for it. “But, I’ve been thinking how I would love to trade my scar for your freckles, for just one damn day.”

“Oh, Kurt.” Sebastian pulls Kurt to his chest when he starts to break down, and hugs him hard. “God, so would I.”

“Would you really?” Kurt asks, sounding somewhat skeptical.

“I would,” Sebastian says. “And not just for a day. For as long as you wanted.”

Kurt chuckles through his tears, that single bark that usually precedes a sarcastic comment. “Why in the hell would you do something stupid like that?”

“Because I love you,” Sebastian says. “And I don’t like seeing you in pain. You’re so good about handling your scar, you’re so strong. You confront people with understanding, you turn insults into discussions. You teach people about tolerance. You’ve changed so much since that first day when I knocked you over in math class, and when you ditched me at Starbucks. But dammit, you deserve a fucking break.”

Kurt chuckles again, but this time, it’s more sincere.

“And if I could give that to you, Kurt, I would do it without blinking an eye. I hope you believe me. I hope you know that, no matter what, I’m here for you – to vent, to yell at, to cry if you want. I just wish I could help you with this.”

“I know you do,” Kurt says. “And I thank you. I just…what we’ve been studying…it’s been hard for me…and I feel…” Kurt sighs. “I need a little time to come to terms with some of it. And I know it feels like I’m going back to the beginning, learning to deal with this all over again, and you’ve been so patient...”

“Hey” – Sebastian kisses Kurt on the forehead – “take all the time you need. I just want you to be okay.”

Kurt wraps his arms around Sebastian’s torso, and holds him tight.

“I will be,” Kurt promises, giving Sebastian a squeeze. “I know I will be.”


End file.
